Oh, Humility ...

So ... I never take myself seriously, only the work that I do and even then, that's a stretch. I know that there are a thousand 30-something, short, pudgy, white girls out there that can belt higher and dance faster than me. But when I start to hear a lot of praise about the work I'm doing, I start to believe it.

Now, for the record, I was not getting a big head, but I was starting to feel pretty confident. That was until last night. Last night was "that" rehearsal. The one where actor and director butt heads because the director isn't communicating what she actually wants and keeps contradicting herself and the actor isn't speaking up about what she knows is appropriate for the character so she just gets frustrated and remains silent and looks like she's pulling some sort of diva silent treatment.

I got through my one scene without making scene, and as I was headed to my chair, the director, in front of the entire company says, "You're just going to have to really condition yourself for this number. You're gonna have to sing through it at least two times a day." I smiled, said okay and sat down. But I was so embarrassed and really wanted to say, "Hey, this isn't my first rodeo, Miss Thang. I know what it takes to do more than just one song in a musical. In fact, I've been singing this song every day for a month, so don't you, a woman who has never worked with me before, tell me, a professional actress, what she needs in order to prepare herself." I was livid. I wonder if I was a member of the union if she would say that to me? Does she feel the need to tell me this because (once again!) I'm not a member of Equity and therefore not "professional"!? Of course once the initial shock and anger quickly wore off, I was just left wondering, "Maybe I'm really not as good as people say. Are they really telling me the truth?"

Which led me to finally do something today that I have been thinking of doing for a while. It has come to my attention that when people meet me, they think I am younger, quieter and sweeter than I really am. Which is fine in real life, but that doesn't really help in theatre life, when I open my mouth to sing or act and they realize that I'm more mature and gutsier than they previously thought. So I decided to reach out to the local directors (the ones who I have auditioned for multiple times but who have never cast me), to see if they can shed some light on the situation. I am hoping to get some more information on how people perceive me when I walk into that audition room which will hopefully allow me to better prepare myself for the auditioning nightmares I've heard about in NYC.

I know I am a product, so I'm trying to make myself the most marketable product I can be. I sent out 4 emails to see if they will meet me to discuss. Let's see if they respond ...

Daily Activities for My Career:

• previously mentioned emails to directors for advice
• a voice over job (yeah, for real. good times!)