Money vs Art

So ... yeah. I realize I am a REALLY horrible blogger. It's been months since I have posted. But you will be happy to know that with the move to NYC (and the 6 weeks away doing The 39 Steps), I kept true to my promise of doing something every day for my career (well, almost every day. There were a few days I got sucked into America's Next Top Model or Next Iron Chef marathons). But, I have also teamed up with a career coach here in NYC who is pushing me to even more organized and motivated than before (hard to imagine esp since my roommate often says, "you're so fucking organzied! I hate you!"). So I feel pretty good about where I am headed in the businessy part of this business.

However, this past week I missed 6 open calls because I accepted a temp job. It's really boring office work but since it's so slow and boring, I've been doing a lot of headshot and resume submissions and even updated my professional website. But today is the last day of the job and my temp agency calls me asking me if I want to work wednesday and friday (probably because word gets out how fantastically organized and efficient I am. And good-looking doesn't hurt). And you know a NYC gal needs money so of course I said no. What?!?! I know!! I actually said no. I hate turning down work of any kind, but I made plans with NYC friends for this whole weekend. My friends are like a second family to me and in this crazy, stressful town I need to maintain and strengthen those connections with my friends more than ever.

So, it leads me to this question that has plagued so many artists over the years. How do you pursue your art and still make money? I've never been a person who needs money. I mean, I like having money as much as the next guy, but anyone who knows me knows that I don't waste money on technology or accessories. It's mostly food and booze and with a smaller budget, less of both of those is okay. But I still have to pay the rent and buy ramen, so I do need some coin coming in.

So I think part of 2011 will be searching for that one perfect job that compliments my acting "career" and (this could be asking too much) makes me happy as well! If you have any ideas let me know!

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Small Setbacks

So ... I love this city. I love its energy, its people, its opportunity. I have been meeting people, making business relationships, and going on auditions. The city makes me incredibly tired though. All of the walking and carry the day's necessities on my back has started to take its toll on my lower back and hips. I am exhausted by the end of the day, but I sleep like a baby. I feel so at home.

However, today I went to an open chorus call for a Broadway show and completely freaked out. I was #151 and knew that I wouldn't be seen for another 3.5 hours so I decided instead of changing into my auditions dress, I would just sit and watch the other ladies. And this is when I the Vampire of Self-Doubt starts talking to me. They are all so much more prepared and put together than I am. Hair curled, show-period appropriate dresses, skinny buff bods and looking every bit the Broadway chorus gals that I am not. So I left. And didn't go back. I knew that if I had stayed I would not have done well and would have felt horrible about myself.

And the thing is, I felt smooshy for about an hour, but then I felt great that I didn't stay. Because I got a lot of life stuff accomplished this afternoon and actually learned what I needed to about where the bar is set at these auditions. Tomorrow I will know. Tomorrow I will stay and blow those skinny bitches out of the water.

Daily Activities for My Career:
Last Tuesday - Met with a coach/manager
Wednesday - Submitted headshots and resumes
Thursday - Went to the Equity building and picked up my card so I could audition
Friday - First NYC audition as an Equity member! Go team
Saturday - Supported my friends by going to see two shows (one out in Brooklyn, the other out in Queens. I'm a great friend)
Sunday - "Brief Encounter" matinee and was completely inspired and reminded of the reason I do theatre.
Today - One great audition, one attempt audition that resulted in valuable info for the future

Mm ... For the Smell of It

So .. Tonight I saw my first opera ... in HD in the Lincoln Center plaza outside of the Met. I was a filmed version of the Met's production of Carmen by Bizet and it was fan-fucking-tastic. How have I gone 32 years and never experienced an opera? It's beautiful music, beautiful costumes, and tons of drama. It's like every Saturday night of my life!

But as I was sitting on my pillow in front of the fountain in front of Lincoln Center, I was hit with the realization of how much I love the smell of a city. As I sat there, I caught whiffs of steak, and perfume, and Thai food, and wine and dirt and industry. And it all mingled into this unforgettable and delicious smell. I know it sounds crazy, but I LOVE that smell.

When I lived in Chicago, I lived at 863 W Roscoe with a gal pal from college. And one beautiful spring day, I opened a window and took a deep breath and remarked about how much I loved the smell of the city. She very plainly explained to me how much of a freak I was (and apparently still am). Not long after, she moved out to the suburbs where the cleaner smell of fresh cut grass and oxygen are much more prevalent. However, for me, the smell of cities are like pheromones. I crave it. It's home to me.

Daily Activity for My career:
Being inspired by a production at the best opera house in America. What more do you need?

The New Beginning

So ... I made it to NYC and I am writing on my couch as I listen to the music from a block party a few streets away. I love this town! I am loving my neighborhood, how easy it is to get around in this city AND I love that I have so many good friends close by.

Last night, I met up with about 8 good friends from my grad school days, some I had seen recently, some I hadn't seen in about 4 years! But it was great to reconnect with everyone and to know that we are all still following our dreams in this biz in some capacity.

And now for my challenge: One thing everyday for my career? Hm, that seems to have gone by the wayside, hasn't it? Well, there is nothing set in stone that says I can't start over. I am giving myself the weekend to continue settling in and then I will hit it on Tuesday!

PS - A big ol' black lady just walked past my window singing to Jesus at the top of her lungs! That's the second person I've heard today just singing it out in public. And not for money. Just cuz it feels good to sing in the sunshine!

No Pain, No Gain

So .. I don't know of any actor who travels as much as I do to attend all of these auditions. Today I am four states away for a callback for a theatre I have already worked for and will for in the fall. The callback went well, but I get the sense that I am not their idea of a musical theatre performer. Sure, I'm a good actress b/c they keep hiring me for that, but a singer? Forget it.

I don't think it was totally fruitless, however. I sang a new audition piece and it went well. I learned some other valuable things about auditioning, so it was beneficial. But worth the airfare, rental car and hotel room ... probably not.

I was chatting backstage with a woman in my cast (the whole cast is female so that doesn't really narrow it down) and she was telling me about all of the men she dated before her husband. All of the men were "great on paper" guys, but she felt that something was missing. Each time she broke it off hoping that she would find a man who was not only "great on paper" but also had that missing quality she was looking for. She finally met him at a voice conference and he was the exact opposite of everything she had always been attracted to, but she knew right away that this was the man for her. In her words, she had to date those other men and have the courage to break it off with them with the belief she would find someone better in order "to earn" her husband. While the story does give me hope for my personal life, I feel like it has a more significant application to my professional life.

I think I have to go through all of these expensive, exhausting experiences in order "to earn" my success. That all of this will pay off someday in the connections and impressions I have made. If I can just have the courage and perseverance to keep on keepin' on, I will "earn" what I am striving for. Step twp: figure out what I'm striving for ...

Daily Activities for My Career:
Today: Callback with kick-ass new audition song
Tomorrow: Write thank you notes, start 2nd weekend of shows

Tempus Fugit ... Or Something

So … I have 13 days until I leave for NYC and I have started panicking. Not the kind of panic where you’re crouched in a corner rocking back and forth. No, not yet. But every time I think about all that has to be done before I leave, my stomach starts to hurt and I want to drink it away with a handle of whiskey.

I’m just not ready to pack up my whole life again. I’ve gotten so used to packing just enough – just what I need to survive for 6 weeks here and 5 weeks there – that the thought of packing an entire life is paralyzing. I keep feeling like I should be packing only what will fit in my Escape. But no, this time I have a 10 ft truck. And anyone who lives in NYC knows that an NYC bedroom isn’t big enough to hold 10 feet’s worth of crap.

So I’ve given myself daily projects. Like, “Today, I will pack my winter clothes.” or “Today, I will pack just my theatre books.” Trouble is, I’m pretty sure there are more categories than there are days left. Someone needs to light a fire …

Daily Activities for My Career:
Today: two auditions at my agent’s office. One for a TV commercial that is clearly a Progressive knock-off and for a voice-over. I’m pretty sure I won’t get either seeing as how I just wanted to get them over with so I could get home a continue stressing about moving.
Tomorrow: flying to another state for a callback. I can’t wait until I live in NYC and all of the auditions/callbacks are in one place!!!

My Dirty Little Secret

So ... I realize what a horrible blogger I've been. I can blame it on this city that makes me lazy or the fact that I opened my show last night (more on that later), but really it's my own fault and lack of discipline. I started this blog as a way to keep myself accountable to doing something every day for my career and in interest of full disclosure and accountability, I'm going to use this post as a confessional.

I'm lazy. There I said it.

And I'm easily distracted.

And I have an addiction to Facebook. Specifically a FB game.

A lot of people joke that they are addicted to this FB or to the stupid games that are on there, but when I say I'm addicted, I mean it. I created a whole other FB account just to play more of this game. And then I created another. And another. That's right folks. I have four FB accounts just to play this one game. I'm well aware how sad and pathetic this makes me sound, but I told you, I'm in confession mode.

Now, if you are on the FB, you know how much time one account can suck up your time. Multiply it by 4 and then some. I probably spend 2-3 hours a day playing this fucking game. I'm obsessed. I can't stop. I'm completely aware of how unproductive this is and that it is taking time away from things I should be doing, like working out, packing for NYC, reading plays, practicing my voice lesson, but I can't seem to stop.

I was in a workshop once where the leader said, "If you want to work on your art, work on your life." She totally paraphrased that from someone else and made no bones about it, but the quote has stuck with me ever since. I'm pretty sure this game is an area of my life I need to work on and by work on, I mean, get rid of.

I have told myself that once I reach a certain level, I will quit, but it seems that level was too high and it might still be weeks before I reach it. But I don't want to quit before I've reached my goal. And that's the thing! It's a completely imaginary goal, because it's just a game. It's not real life for heaven's sake.

I cannot believe that I am actually debating with myself about a stupid computer game, but I know that if I don't remove this ridiculous and unnecessary obsession from my life, I won't be able to achieve anything I really want to achieve.

Of all the addictions out there, I realize a silly facebook game is not the worst, but it's time to get serious. NYC is only 17 days away and if I'm going to make the most of my time there, I can't be locked in my room playing games for hours and hours. It's time to make a change.

Daily Activities for My Career:
It's been 11 days since I've posted, folks. I've worked out a few times, and opened a show. I've fallen off the wagon, but I will climb back on. I promise.

Oh, Humility ...

So ... I never take myself seriously, only the work that I do and even then, that's a stretch. I know that there are a thousand 30-something, short, pudgy, white girls out there that can belt higher and dance faster than me. But when I start to hear a lot of praise about the work I'm doing, I start to believe it.

Now, for the record, I was not getting a big head, but I was starting to feel pretty confident. That was until last night. Last night was "that" rehearsal. The one where actor and director butt heads because the director isn't communicating what she actually wants and keeps contradicting herself and the actor isn't speaking up about what she knows is appropriate for the character so she just gets frustrated and remains silent and looks like she's pulling some sort of diva silent treatment.

I got through my one scene without making scene, and as I was headed to my chair, the director, in front of the entire company says, "You're just going to have to really condition yourself for this number. You're gonna have to sing through it at least two times a day." I smiled, said okay and sat down. But I was so embarrassed and really wanted to say, "Hey, this isn't my first rodeo, Miss Thang. I know what it takes to do more than just one song in a musical. In fact, I've been singing this song every day for a month, so don't you, a woman who has never worked with me before, tell me, a professional actress, what she needs in order to prepare herself." I was livid. I wonder if I was a member of the union if she would say that to me? Does she feel the need to tell me this because (once again!) I'm not a member of Equity and therefore not "professional"!? Of course once the initial shock and anger quickly wore off, I was just left wondering, "Maybe I'm really not as good as people say. Are they really telling me the truth?"

Which led me to finally do something today that I have been thinking of doing for a while. It has come to my attention that when people meet me, they think I am younger, quieter and sweeter than I really am. Which is fine in real life, but that doesn't really help in theatre life, when I open my mouth to sing or act and they realize that I'm more mature and gutsier than they previously thought. So I decided to reach out to the local directors (the ones who I have auditioned for multiple times but who have never cast me), to see if they can shed some light on the situation. I am hoping to get some more information on how people perceive me when I walk into that audition room which will hopefully allow me to better prepare myself for the auditioning nightmares I've heard about in NYC.

I know I am a product, so I'm trying to make myself the most marketable product I can be. I sent out 4 emails to see if they will meet me to discuss. Let's see if they respond ...

Daily Activities for My Career:

• previously mentioned emails to directors for advice
• a voice over job (yeah, for real. good times!)
  

Patience, My Dear

So ... when I was younger, my mother thought I had ADHD because I was a "wiggle worm", couldn't sit still and asked endless questions usually beginning with "why?". My father was a little less worried about my spastic behavior and would always just respond with "Patience, my dear."

I have been auditioning in my hometown for the last 3 years (not counting that year back in '01 before I decided to ditch the town for the city of Chicago) and I've finally been cast. And it's going really well. It has shown me just how long it takes before people start to know who you are and will give you a chance (valuable lesson to learn before moving to a town where it's even harder to be given a chance).

But I realized I had been bitching a lot (too much, really) about not getting cast here and I was starting to become a little jaded about the whole thing. I went into rehearsals really guarded. I didn't really talk to anyone those first few days of rehearsal because I had a chip on my shoulder. It's not my fellow actors' fault I'm not being cast here, so why should I bring all of my bitter baggage into rehearsal and dump it onto them?!

Thankfully, the people involved with show saw through my psuedo facade and are starting to compliment me on the work I'm doing in rehearsals and asking me for my story, why haven't they seen me in shows around town before. If response to my performance is this nice just during rehearsals, I wonder what it will be like in performance (that is, if I stay on my game).

I'm a little humbled by all of the praise, but ashamed that I had such an ill opinion of the community here. I know it was just my jealousy and bitterness talking, but it's a good lesson for me. Less bitching. Less worrying about what other people are getting that I'm "not". More focus on what I can do to improve me. More focus on remaining positive. Less bitching. Period.

Daily Activities for My Career:
Thursday: sadly, nothing. I'm lazy here.
Friday: Attending more shows at our Fringe Fest. Meeting local theatre people, networking (still hate that word)
Saturday: working on voice over job for Monday, research on show

Soft. And not just in the belly.

So … not only I am a really bad blogger but apparently I’m also lazy. I blame my hometown. There is something about this city that makes me soft, unmotivated, defeated.

Two years ago, when I graduated from grad school, I thought this was where I should plant some roots. There is a great theatre scene here, much better than when I left for college at 18. But for as much theatre as there is, it’s an incredibly closed town. I was at a callback last December and I swear I felt like I was back in high school. The popular kids were those actors that get cast all of the time, the kids that wanna hang out with the popular kids are the actors who are trying so desperately to get noticed that they laugh way too loud at the popular kids’ jokes. And then there’s me, the fat smelly new kid who eats by herself at lunch. No one talked to me at this callback, because I had never done a show in this town, I was not cool.

Now, I am in rehearsal for a show in this town and even this feel like high school. Again, the popular kids don’t talk to us new kids (one called me by the wrong name today), and everyone talks while other people are working, or while the director is talking and it feels like no one takes anything seriously. People work in this town because they have worked in this town before and nothing keeps them scared or hungry to improve because they know they will get cast somewhere. And to me, that is death as an artist, an actor. As soon as you get comfortable, you coast. You don’t challenge yourself to be better and all you will be is mediocre.

So what have done for my career since the last post. Practice my song, researched my character, learned my lines. But I would do all of that with any show. Maybe I haven’t done anything for my career lately, because in this town, there is nothing to do … ?

Daily Activities for My Career:
Monday - practice voice lesson, first rehearsal (does that count?)
Tuesday - went to see a friend’s one-man show, was inspired to continue writing my own one-person show, but I’m lazy and played on facebook instead
Wednesday - weighed myself. Yeah, finally joined weight watchers so I can maybe try to be marketable as an actor and not stuck somewhere between attractive leading lady and fat next door neighbor.

Whoops

So ... apparently, I've turned to the blogger that annoys me the most: the one who never updates her blog. But I like to think I have good reason. I moved out of my sublet and drive 900 miles back to my hometown to start a show (more on this in coming posts, I promise). But that doesn't mean I haven't been doing things for my career. No, I haven't been a total slacker.

But as the precedence was set last Sunday, today is a day of rest (rest from the bitching about acting in my case), and it's a day to give thanks. I am thankful that I finally been cast in a show in my hometown so all of my family can come see me perform. And I'm thankful for the opportunity to prove to this community that yes, I do belong on its stages! And I'm thankful that after two and a half months of no job, I will start rehearsals tomorrow!!!

Daily Activities for My Career:
Wednesday - started the drive home, reconnected with professors and fellow students from grad school.
Thursday - reconnecting with my dear friend and mentor, Martha, finished the drive
Friday - auditioned for local dinner theatre
Saturday - wrote and sent thank you notes to dinner theatre, updated audition journal

Worth the Wait

So ... After 2 and a half years, 13 shows, more than 25,000 miles of driving, 70 new Facebook friends, 6 new BFFs and an average of $200/week, I am finally going to be a professional actor. That's right, I am finally joining Actor's Equity Association (for those of you don't know, it's the union for actors and stage managers). This is a major step for anyone who is trying to be an actor and I consider it to be a major accomplishment. I am even more excited about this since it comes with a job! Yep, I was cast in The 39 Steps for a theatre and a director that I love, love, love and it will be my first Equity job.

Now some of you may have noticed I said I was going to finally be "a professional." Apparently even though I was getting paid to act for the last 2.5 years AND all of the theatres put me up in housing and many paid for my transportation, I still wasn't considered a professional because I wasn't in the union.

I have been called a "non-pro" on several occasions including by an artistic director who I had worked for AND by a representative from Equity. I find this interesting since some of the "professionals" I have worked with play jokes on stage to make their fellow actors break character, phone in their performances, constantly complain, tattle on castmates they don't like, treat the crew like servants or just completely disregard union rules. And people wonder why I've been hesitant to join this "professional union".

Now I know that these few jackasses are just that. A few. They're not representative of the whole. The majority are hard-working artists who care deeply about their fellow actor and the craft of acting and these are the people I am proud to join. I am proud, too, that I have worked really hard for this and have made it to 50 weeks of Equity work and have a strong resume full of good solid work with respected theatres.

I also said in the past that I didn't want to move to NYC if I wasn't Equity and now, the two are happening at the same time. Kind of makes me think it's all meant to be!

Daily Activities for My Career:

• Monday - calling AEA and starting the process to join the union
• Tuesday - Voice Lesson and recording audition notes into my actor journal

Day of Rest

So ... maybe this is just my way of justifying not doing anything for my career today, but I strongly believe in a day of rest and today was that day for me. So instead of looking for auditions or sending emails or annoying my upstairs neighbors with screeching my way through a voice lesson, I've decided to just give thanks. It's a very churchy thing to do I suppose, but it is Sunday and while you can take the girl out of the conservative, Christian, Red state, you can't take the ... well, you know.

Today, on my day of rest, I went to IKEA to meet my friend who lives only a few hours from me. We are both moving soon and looking for new furniture for our respective new adventures. He and I did "The Boys Next Door" several summers ago and have stayed good friends ever since. He is extremely supportive of me and has traveled to see a lot of my shows over the last few years. He's very talented, driven, supportive, funny, kind and an all-around fantastic human being.

But as I was driving home from our Swedish excursion (complete with Apple cake and Lingonberry juice! yum!), I thought about the many people I've met in my travels and how I'm still friends with so many of them to this day. I can travel to Seattle, LA, San Francisco, Texas, Florida, Virginia, Philly, Chicago, North Carolina, Georgia, the whole state of OH, Indianapolis, or Des Moines and in each of these locations, or somewhere along the way, will be a good friend waiting to catch up over some food and a beer (or 10).

Now I'm not writing this to say, "Wow, look how popular I am." For as many friends as I have in my life, there are just as many who never wanna see my fat face again. I've been a stupid, drunk bitch way too many times. But I'm thankful that there are a smattering of people around this great country that are willing to answer my phone call and meet to catch up.

I am thankful for my friends. And if you're reading this, you're probably one of them. So thank YOU! I hope I am as good a friend you as you are to me!

The Day Job

So ... today my temp agency sent me to a Sports Complex where I spent 6 hours in the sun handing out soccer ball hacky sacks to greedy children at a soccer tournament. I came home completely exhausted, swollen and sunburned and as I sat in from of my moldy window AC unit, I thought, "Yup. This is what two degrees in Theatre gets ya."

I know that day jobs are a necessary evil for actors. But they can be tedious and soul-sucking and often leave you too drained of energy to pursue what you really want to pursue. The other alternative is unemployment and while I have no problem with my actor friends being on it, I can't yet bring myself to do it. There are myriad reasons, but this is not a blog about my fiscal or political beliefs. You don't give a shit about that. I barely do myself.

But I watch some of my friends discover exciting and fulfilling side jobs that often turn into second careers for them. I have friends who are teachers, writers, photographers, massage therapists and yoga instructors and I envy them so much. I wish that I had some non-theatre related skills. I mean, I do have skills, but alphabetizing and answering phones makes me want to stab my eyes out and the other skills would get me arrested if I offered them in exchange for money.

I envy them because they have found something that brings them just as much joy as performing and they can build their lives and support themselves on all of these passions.

My friend, Martha, is a gorgeous and talented women in her 60s who is by far one of the best actresses I have ever worked with or seen onstage. She has built a fantastic life as an actress, yoga instructor, teacher, wife and mother and is an all-around fantastic human being. We had a conversation about this subject one day and she said, "Allison, I still have friends from college who say, 'Martha, we always thought you were the one who was going to make it, be famous', and they think that because I found something else (yoga), I didn't stay hungry enough for acting and that's why I didn't 'make it'." Well, she's made it in my opinion, so those assholes can go fuck themselves, but that's beside the point.

Maybe I haven't found that something else because I'm not meant to. At least not yet. My tummy and ass are pretty big so I'm obviously hungry for something (like that little profile pic over there, it's usually cake.) Maybe I really do have the hunger to keep on keepin' on despite the occasional sunburned shoulders.

Daily Activity for My Career: Continuing to read Acting on Film (does that count?)

The Magic "If"

So ... I have some really exciting news, but I'm going to save it for another post because there are still a lot of things to figure out and I want to have it clear in my head before I throw it out to the internet. But it's one of those things that happens to you and you feel like, "Okay, this is what I've been working so hard for and it's finally here!"

But last night I picked up the book Acting in Film by Michael Caine. I have had this book since I was 20 years old and I'm just now getting around to reading it. Kind of a metaphor for my life really. But in the introduction, he has this fantastic quote that I'm gonna share with you:

"If you really want to become an actor, but only providing that acting doesn't interfere with your golf game, your political ambitions, and your sex life, you don't really want to become an actor. Not only is acting more than a part-time job, it's more than a full-time job. It's a full-time obsession. Anything less and you'll fall short of the mark."

Kind of inspiring and defeating all at the same time. Yes, I want to have that all consuming passion for my craft and, many days, I do. Being onstage, making people laugh, bringing words and characters and art to life is what I've always - and often, only - wanted to build my life on. But the flip side of it is that it has come at the expense of everything else in this life.

While my girlfriends are getting married, buying houses and having babies, I'm packing my Ford Escape full of the few possessions I do have and traveling to yet another city to do another show. I know the grass is always greener and by some miracle the good Lord may one day grace me with a tall, attractive man who will put a baby inside me before my la-la shrivels up and falls off. Stranger things have happened.

But I decided to pursue this seemingly unattainable goal because I never wanted to look back on my life and wonder "What if ... ?" However, even with the marginal successes I have had in my life, I still find myself looking in the mirror and asking that question.

Daily Activities for My Career: Singing lesson, reading aforementioned book, calling moving truck companies to get all my junk to NYC

The Dirty Word

So ... when I was in high school, my mother would always encourage me to talk to people in "the biz", introduce myself, ask them questions, tell them I wanted to be an actress. My mother is certainly not a stage mother by any stretch of the imagination. She's the kind of woman who would whisper the word gynecologist if we were in public. But she always said, "Allison, you know, someday you're going to have learn the fine art of networking." I would roll my eyes, flip my hair and sigh heavily in disgust whenever she would say it. How dare she suggest that I be some brown-nosing, ass-kissing suck up. I was going to be a star using only my talent.

yeah ... that's worked out well ...

If I could go back to that stupid little know-it-all, I would grab her by the scrunchy and say, "Listen to your mother, you damned twit." I now see that it's EVERYTHING. It really doesn't matter if you're God's gift to acting, it's only about who you know. Maybe I wouldn't have gone to a private college in a corn state with only 60 majors. I would have busted my ass to get into some fancy school that directors cream their pants over. Or hell, maybe I would have taken her advice and just talked to these people in the theatre scene in my hometown so 16 years later I wouldn't have to work so fucking hard to prove to them that I'm worthy to grace the stages of their Cow Town. They would already know it.

Now ... all of that said, I am really fucking thankful I went to the college I did. I have friends for life and I wouldn't trade any of them for a role on Broadway (except for that one who never calls me back. you know, who you are). AND I'm extremely grateful for all of the opportunities I have had and the people who HAVE given me a chance.

And I will keep sending out thank you cards and thank you emails for every audition and callback I go to, because I actually like doing that and believe that no matter how fancy you are, you like to get mail and be appreciated. And I will keep sending out my headshot and resume for everything I find, even if I'm not right for it. And sending out reviews of my shows, and contacting past directors I've worked with to let them know what I'm up to and going to classes and attending actor nights and opening night parties, etc., etc., ad nauseam ...

However, there is still a little bit of that 16 year old left who rolls her eyes, heaves a heavy sigh and tries to ignore the slimy feeling of being a suck up.

Daily Activities for My Career: writing thank you notes, recording callback info in my audition journal, editing my previously shot scene with director of local TV show (valuable for someone wanting to pursue screen work, right? get used to looking at your own oddly shaped face)

On the Road Again

So ... I'm taking a four hour road trip today for a callback for The 39 Steps. It's a fantastically hilarious show that would be a wonderful challenge for me (German and Scottish dialects? Physical Comedy? mmokay?!) The show is with a theatre company I have already worked for and absolutely LOVE. The director of the show, the artistic director of the company and all on staff are just phenomenal people and so very talented, so I feel it's worth the drive for the opportunity to work with them again.

However, this will now be the 15th audition I have traveled to in this calendar year alone. Granted that's how I have gotten all of my work this year (and I do consider myself fortunate to be a working actor this year) but I have to ask myself, "Is it all really worth it?!"

Out of the 14 so far, I've only gotten 2 jobs, but racked up a whole bunch of debt on my credit card. Granted some of those trips were back home so I was able to family or up in Chicago where I was able to see friends so those trips were definitely worth it. And one was down in Hilton Head so I considered it a working vacation where I got to eat lots of really good seafood.

My voice teacher said "I have never seen anyone travel as much as you do for auditions." He's probably right. I don't know of any other actor that does this. Am I totally crazy?

Daily activity for my career: Schlepping my ass 4 hours to a callback and 4 hours back.

Jumping on the Bandwagon

So ... in the past year, a lot of my friends have created blogs to express themselves artistically, document their road to sobriety, complain about single life, help their friends towards greater understanding and spirituality or just bitch about their favorite TV shows. Lemming that I am, I decided to follow suit.

I realized today that I have 50 days (counting today) until I move to NYC. I have both my Bachelor's Degree and Master's Degree in Theatre Performance and while I've been traveling as an actor (a working actor, thank you) for the past two years, it's time to plant some roots and "settle down". I can think of no better place to do that than in a city where there is a wealth of opportunity for us performance types.

Now, this decision was not easy. I have fought it these past two years because of fear of failure and to rebel against this idea that if you're an actor in New York, you're a real actor. Some of the people I've seen from NY couldn't act their way out of a WET paper bag and some of the best acting I've seen has been from actors in the regional theatre. The idea is complete bullshit, but I've seen way TOO many regional theatres give into this idea for whatever reason. It's time for me to play that game, too, and to prove to all the naysayers out there that I've got the goods.

So the countdown is on, my friends. This is a blog to document the journey leading up to the move, the move itself and life in the Big Apple. I'm am also hoping this blog will encourage me to do one thing for my career everyday. What is that thing? Going to an audition, submitting my headshot and resume for a show, calling an agent, reading a play, seeing a play, writing a play, whatever. Something that keeps the artistic juices flowing in me and out to the world. Oh, that s way too artsy for me. I'm gonna go have a snack.

That reminds me, maybe I should lose some weight before I move. Eh, that will be tomorrow's activity ...

Daily Activity for for my career: Staring this blog!