Patience, My Dear

So ... when I was younger, my mother thought I had ADHD because I was a "wiggle worm", couldn't sit still and asked endless questions usually beginning with "why?". My father was a little less worried about my spastic behavior and would always just respond with "Patience, my dear."

I have been auditioning in my hometown for the last 3 years (not counting that year back in '01 before I decided to ditch the town for the city of Chicago) and I've finally been cast. And it's going really well. It has shown me just how long it takes before people start to know who you are and will give you a chance (valuable lesson to learn before moving to a town where it's even harder to be given a chance).

But I realized I had been bitching a lot (too much, really) about not getting cast here and I was starting to become a little jaded about the whole thing. I went into rehearsals really guarded. I didn't really talk to anyone those first few days of rehearsal because I had a chip on my shoulder. It's not my fellow actors' fault I'm not being cast here, so why should I bring all of my bitter baggage into rehearsal and dump it onto them?!

Thankfully, the people involved with show saw through my psuedo facade and are starting to compliment me on the work I'm doing in rehearsals and asking me for my story, why haven't they seen me in shows around town before. If response to my performance is this nice just during rehearsals, I wonder what it will be like in performance (that is, if I stay on my game).

I'm a little humbled by all of the praise, but ashamed that I had such an ill opinion of the community here. I know it was just my jealousy and bitterness talking, but it's a good lesson for me. Less bitching. Less worrying about what other people are getting that I'm "not". More focus on what I can do to improve me. More focus on remaining positive. Less bitching. Period.

Daily Activities for My Career:
Thursday: sadly, nothing. I'm lazy here.
Friday: Attending more shows at our Fringe Fest. Meeting local theatre people, networking (still hate that word)
Saturday: working on voice over job for Monday, research on show

Soft. And not just in the belly.

So … not only I am a really bad blogger but apparently I’m also lazy. I blame my hometown. There is something about this city that makes me soft, unmotivated, defeated.

Two years ago, when I graduated from grad school, I thought this was where I should plant some roots. There is a great theatre scene here, much better than when I left for college at 18. But for as much theatre as there is, it’s an incredibly closed town. I was at a callback last December and I swear I felt like I was back in high school. The popular kids were those actors that get cast all of the time, the kids that wanna hang out with the popular kids are the actors who are trying so desperately to get noticed that they laugh way too loud at the popular kids’ jokes. And then there’s me, the fat smelly new kid who eats by herself at lunch. No one talked to me at this callback, because I had never done a show in this town, I was not cool.

Now, I am in rehearsal for a show in this town and even this feel like high school. Again, the popular kids don’t talk to us new kids (one called me by the wrong name today), and everyone talks while other people are working, or while the director is talking and it feels like no one takes anything seriously. People work in this town because they have worked in this town before and nothing keeps them scared or hungry to improve because they know they will get cast somewhere. And to me, that is death as an artist, an actor. As soon as you get comfortable, you coast. You don’t challenge yourself to be better and all you will be is mediocre.

So what have done for my career since the last post. Practice my song, researched my character, learned my lines. But I would do all of that with any show. Maybe I haven’t done anything for my career lately, because in this town, there is nothing to do … ?

Daily Activities for My Career:
Monday - practice voice lesson, first rehearsal (does that count?)
Tuesday - went to see a friend’s one-man show, was inspired to continue writing my own one-person show, but I’m lazy and played on facebook instead
Wednesday - weighed myself. Yeah, finally joined weight watchers so I can maybe try to be marketable as an actor and not stuck somewhere between attractive leading lady and fat next door neighbor.

Whoops

So ... apparently, I've turned to the blogger that annoys me the most: the one who never updates her blog. But I like to think I have good reason. I moved out of my sublet and drive 900 miles back to my hometown to start a show (more on this in coming posts, I promise). But that doesn't mean I haven't been doing things for my career. No, I haven't been a total slacker.

But as the precedence was set last Sunday, today is a day of rest (rest from the bitching about acting in my case), and it's a day to give thanks. I am thankful that I finally been cast in a show in my hometown so all of my family can come see me perform. And I'm thankful for the opportunity to prove to this community that yes, I do belong on its stages! And I'm thankful that after two and a half months of no job, I will start rehearsals tomorrow!!!

Daily Activities for My Career:
Wednesday - started the drive home, reconnected with professors and fellow students from grad school.
Thursday - reconnecting with my dear friend and mentor, Martha, finished the drive
Friday - auditioned for local dinner theatre
Saturday - wrote and sent thank you notes to dinner theatre, updated audition journal

Worth the Wait

So ... After 2 and a half years, 13 shows, more than 25,000 miles of driving, 70 new Facebook friends, 6 new BFFs and an average of $200/week, I am finally going to be a professional actor. That's right, I am finally joining Actor's Equity Association (for those of you don't know, it's the union for actors and stage managers). This is a major step for anyone who is trying to be an actor and I consider it to be a major accomplishment. I am even more excited about this since it comes with a job! Yep, I was cast in The 39 Steps for a theatre and a director that I love, love, love and it will be my first Equity job.

Now some of you may have noticed I said I was going to finally be "a professional." Apparently even though I was getting paid to act for the last 2.5 years AND all of the theatres put me up in housing and many paid for my transportation, I still wasn't considered a professional because I wasn't in the union.

I have been called a "non-pro" on several occasions including by an artistic director who I had worked for AND by a representative from Equity. I find this interesting since some of the "professionals" I have worked with play jokes on stage to make their fellow actors break character, phone in their performances, constantly complain, tattle on castmates they don't like, treat the crew like servants or just completely disregard union rules. And people wonder why I've been hesitant to join this "professional union".

Now I know that these few jackasses are just that. A few. They're not representative of the whole. The majority are hard-working artists who care deeply about their fellow actor and the craft of acting and these are the people I am proud to join. I am proud, too, that I have worked really hard for this and have made it to 50 weeks of Equity work and have a strong resume full of good solid work with respected theatres.

I also said in the past that I didn't want to move to NYC if I wasn't Equity and now, the two are happening at the same time. Kind of makes me think it's all meant to be!

Daily Activities for My Career:

• Monday - calling AEA and starting the process to join the union
• Tuesday - Voice Lesson and recording audition notes into my actor journal

Day of Rest

So ... maybe this is just my way of justifying not doing anything for my career today, but I strongly believe in a day of rest and today was that day for me. So instead of looking for auditions or sending emails or annoying my upstairs neighbors with screeching my way through a voice lesson, I've decided to just give thanks. It's a very churchy thing to do I suppose, but it is Sunday and while you can take the girl out of the conservative, Christian, Red state, you can't take the ... well, you know.

Today, on my day of rest, I went to IKEA to meet my friend who lives only a few hours from me. We are both moving soon and looking for new furniture for our respective new adventures. He and I did "The Boys Next Door" several summers ago and have stayed good friends ever since. He is extremely supportive of me and has traveled to see a lot of my shows over the last few years. He's very talented, driven, supportive, funny, kind and an all-around fantastic human being.

But as I was driving home from our Swedish excursion (complete with Apple cake and Lingonberry juice! yum!), I thought about the many people I've met in my travels and how I'm still friends with so many of them to this day. I can travel to Seattle, LA, San Francisco, Texas, Florida, Virginia, Philly, Chicago, North Carolina, Georgia, the whole state of OH, Indianapolis, or Des Moines and in each of these locations, or somewhere along the way, will be a good friend waiting to catch up over some food and a beer (or 10).

Now I'm not writing this to say, "Wow, look how popular I am." For as many friends as I have in my life, there are just as many who never wanna see my fat face again. I've been a stupid, drunk bitch way too many times. But I'm thankful that there are a smattering of people around this great country that are willing to answer my phone call and meet to catch up.

I am thankful for my friends. And if you're reading this, you're probably one of them. So thank YOU! I hope I am as good a friend you as you are to me!

The Day Job

So ... today my temp agency sent me to a Sports Complex where I spent 6 hours in the sun handing out soccer ball hacky sacks to greedy children at a soccer tournament. I came home completely exhausted, swollen and sunburned and as I sat in from of my moldy window AC unit, I thought, "Yup. This is what two degrees in Theatre gets ya."

I know that day jobs are a necessary evil for actors. But they can be tedious and soul-sucking and often leave you too drained of energy to pursue what you really want to pursue. The other alternative is unemployment and while I have no problem with my actor friends being on it, I can't yet bring myself to do it. There are myriad reasons, but this is not a blog about my fiscal or political beliefs. You don't give a shit about that. I barely do myself.

But I watch some of my friends discover exciting and fulfilling side jobs that often turn into second careers for them. I have friends who are teachers, writers, photographers, massage therapists and yoga instructors and I envy them so much. I wish that I had some non-theatre related skills. I mean, I do have skills, but alphabetizing and answering phones makes me want to stab my eyes out and the other skills would get me arrested if I offered them in exchange for money.

I envy them because they have found something that brings them just as much joy as performing and they can build their lives and support themselves on all of these passions.

My friend, Martha, is a gorgeous and talented women in her 60s who is by far one of the best actresses I have ever worked with or seen onstage. She has built a fantastic life as an actress, yoga instructor, teacher, wife and mother and is an all-around fantastic human being. We had a conversation about this subject one day and she said, "Allison, I still have friends from college who say, 'Martha, we always thought you were the one who was going to make it, be famous', and they think that because I found something else (yoga), I didn't stay hungry enough for acting and that's why I didn't 'make it'." Well, she's made it in my opinion, so those assholes can go fuck themselves, but that's beside the point.

Maybe I haven't found that something else because I'm not meant to. At least not yet. My tummy and ass are pretty big so I'm obviously hungry for something (like that little profile pic over there, it's usually cake.) Maybe I really do have the hunger to keep on keepin' on despite the occasional sunburned shoulders.

Daily Activity for My Career: Continuing to read Acting on Film (does that count?)

The Magic "If"

So ... I have some really exciting news, but I'm going to save it for another post because there are still a lot of things to figure out and I want to have it clear in my head before I throw it out to the internet. But it's one of those things that happens to you and you feel like, "Okay, this is what I've been working so hard for and it's finally here!"

But last night I picked up the book Acting in Film by Michael Caine. I have had this book since I was 20 years old and I'm just now getting around to reading it. Kind of a metaphor for my life really. But in the introduction, he has this fantastic quote that I'm gonna share with you:

"If you really want to become an actor, but only providing that acting doesn't interfere with your golf game, your political ambitions, and your sex life, you don't really want to become an actor. Not only is acting more than a part-time job, it's more than a full-time job. It's a full-time obsession. Anything less and you'll fall short of the mark."

Kind of inspiring and defeating all at the same time. Yes, I want to have that all consuming passion for my craft and, many days, I do. Being onstage, making people laugh, bringing words and characters and art to life is what I've always - and often, only - wanted to build my life on. But the flip side of it is that it has come at the expense of everything else in this life.

While my girlfriends are getting married, buying houses and having babies, I'm packing my Ford Escape full of the few possessions I do have and traveling to yet another city to do another show. I know the grass is always greener and by some miracle the good Lord may one day grace me with a tall, attractive man who will put a baby inside me before my la-la shrivels up and falls off. Stranger things have happened.

But I decided to pursue this seemingly unattainable goal because I never wanted to look back on my life and wonder "What if ... ?" However, even with the marginal successes I have had in my life, I still find myself looking in the mirror and asking that question.

Daily Activities for My Career: Singing lesson, reading aforementioned book, calling moving truck companies to get all my junk to NYC

The Dirty Word

So ... when I was in high school, my mother would always encourage me to talk to people in "the biz", introduce myself, ask them questions, tell them I wanted to be an actress. My mother is certainly not a stage mother by any stretch of the imagination. She's the kind of woman who would whisper the word gynecologist if we were in public. But she always said, "Allison, you know, someday you're going to have learn the fine art of networking." I would roll my eyes, flip my hair and sigh heavily in disgust whenever she would say it. How dare she suggest that I be some brown-nosing, ass-kissing suck up. I was going to be a star using only my talent.

yeah ... that's worked out well ...

If I could go back to that stupid little know-it-all, I would grab her by the scrunchy and say, "Listen to your mother, you damned twit." I now see that it's EVERYTHING. It really doesn't matter if you're God's gift to acting, it's only about who you know. Maybe I wouldn't have gone to a private college in a corn state with only 60 majors. I would have busted my ass to get into some fancy school that directors cream their pants over. Or hell, maybe I would have taken her advice and just talked to these people in the theatre scene in my hometown so 16 years later I wouldn't have to work so fucking hard to prove to them that I'm worthy to grace the stages of their Cow Town. They would already know it.

Now ... all of that said, I am really fucking thankful I went to the college I did. I have friends for life and I wouldn't trade any of them for a role on Broadway (except for that one who never calls me back. you know, who you are). AND I'm extremely grateful for all of the opportunities I have had and the people who HAVE given me a chance.

And I will keep sending out thank you cards and thank you emails for every audition and callback I go to, because I actually like doing that and believe that no matter how fancy you are, you like to get mail and be appreciated. And I will keep sending out my headshot and resume for everything I find, even if I'm not right for it. And sending out reviews of my shows, and contacting past directors I've worked with to let them know what I'm up to and going to classes and attending actor nights and opening night parties, etc., etc., ad nauseam ...

However, there is still a little bit of that 16 year old left who rolls her eyes, heaves a heavy sigh and tries to ignore the slimy feeling of being a suck up.

Daily Activities for My Career: writing thank you notes, recording callback info in my audition journal, editing my previously shot scene with director of local TV show (valuable for someone wanting to pursue screen work, right? get used to looking at your own oddly shaped face)

On the Road Again

So ... I'm taking a four hour road trip today for a callback for The 39 Steps. It's a fantastically hilarious show that would be a wonderful challenge for me (German and Scottish dialects? Physical Comedy? mmokay?!) The show is with a theatre company I have already worked for and absolutely LOVE. The director of the show, the artistic director of the company and all on staff are just phenomenal people and so very talented, so I feel it's worth the drive for the opportunity to work with them again.

However, this will now be the 15th audition I have traveled to in this calendar year alone. Granted that's how I have gotten all of my work this year (and I do consider myself fortunate to be a working actor this year) but I have to ask myself, "Is it all really worth it?!"

Out of the 14 so far, I've only gotten 2 jobs, but racked up a whole bunch of debt on my credit card. Granted some of those trips were back home so I was able to family or up in Chicago where I was able to see friends so those trips were definitely worth it. And one was down in Hilton Head so I considered it a working vacation where I got to eat lots of really good seafood.

My voice teacher said "I have never seen anyone travel as much as you do for auditions." He's probably right. I don't know of any other actor that does this. Am I totally crazy?

Daily activity for my career: Schlepping my ass 4 hours to a callback and 4 hours back.

Jumping on the Bandwagon

So ... in the past year, a lot of my friends have created blogs to express themselves artistically, document their road to sobriety, complain about single life, help their friends towards greater understanding and spirituality or just bitch about their favorite TV shows. Lemming that I am, I decided to follow suit.

I realized today that I have 50 days (counting today) until I move to NYC. I have both my Bachelor's Degree and Master's Degree in Theatre Performance and while I've been traveling as an actor (a working actor, thank you) for the past two years, it's time to plant some roots and "settle down". I can think of no better place to do that than in a city where there is a wealth of opportunity for us performance types.

Now, this decision was not easy. I have fought it these past two years because of fear of failure and to rebel against this idea that if you're an actor in New York, you're a real actor. Some of the people I've seen from NY couldn't act their way out of a WET paper bag and some of the best acting I've seen has been from actors in the regional theatre. The idea is complete bullshit, but I've seen way TOO many regional theatres give into this idea for whatever reason. It's time for me to play that game, too, and to prove to all the naysayers out there that I've got the goods.

So the countdown is on, my friends. This is a blog to document the journey leading up to the move, the move itself and life in the Big Apple. I'm am also hoping this blog will encourage me to do one thing for my career everyday. What is that thing? Going to an audition, submitting my headshot and resume for a show, calling an agent, reading a play, seeing a play, writing a play, whatever. Something that keeps the artistic juices flowing in me and out to the world. Oh, that s way too artsy for me. I'm gonna go have a snack.

That reminds me, maybe I should lose some weight before I move. Eh, that will be tomorrow's activity ...

Daily Activity for for my career: Staring this blog!